August 21, 2026.
At a time when disagreements can quickly turn into personal attacks, P.M. Forni’s Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct offers a straightforward idea: everyday interactions can be improved when people make a deliberate choice to treat one another with respect.
Forni, an award-winning professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University, became widely known for his work on civility and manners. He co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility Project in 1997, bringing academic research and community discussion together around the role of courtesy, respect and consideration in everyday life.
Published in 2002, Choosing Civility presents 25 rules intended to help people build better relationships at home, at work and in their daily interactions. Forni argued that civility is more than simply having good manners. It is a way of recognizing that our words and actions affect the people around us.
Johns Hopkins described the book as a practical tool for rediscovering social skills that can be overlooked in a hurried and stressful society. Forni viewed those skills as something people could practice until considerate behavior became second nature.
The book remains relevant because its basic lessons do not depend on technology, politics or changing social trends. They begin with paying attention to other people, listening, speaking kindly and respecting boundaries.
The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct
According to Forni's framework, the 25 rules are:
- Pay attention — Notice the people and world around you.
- Acknowledge others — Recognize people rather than ignoring them.
- Think the best — Give others the benefit of the doubt.
- Listen — Give people your attention when they are speaking.
- Be inclusive — Make an effort to include others.
- Speak kindly — Choose words that show consideration.
- Don’t speak ill — Avoid unnecessary negative talk about others.
- Accept and give praise — Recognize accomplishments and accept compliments graciously.
- Respect even a subtle “no” — Recognize and honor another person's boundaries.
- Respect others’ opinions — Disagreement does not require disrespect.
- Mind your body — Be aware of how your physical behavior affects others.
- Be agreeable — Cooperate and avoid creating unnecessary conflict.
- Keep it down and rediscover silence — Consider how noise affects the people around you.
- Respect other people’s time — Be punctual and avoid wasting another person's time.
- Respect other people’s space — Recognize personal and physical boundaries.
- Apologize earnestly and thoughtfully — Take responsibility when you have caused harm or inconvenience.
- Assert yourself — Stand up for yourself without treating others aggressively.
- Avoid personal questions — Respect people's privacy.
- Care for your guests — Make visitors feel welcome and comfortable.
- Be a considerate guest — Respect the home, time, and hospitality of your hosts.
- Think twice before asking for favors — Consider the burden a request may place on someone else.
- Refrain from idle complaints — Avoid complaining simply for the sake of complaining.
- Give constructive criticism — When criticism is necessary, make it useful rather than hurtful.
- Respect the environment and be gentle to animals — Extend consideration beyond human relationships.
- Don’t shift responsibility and blame — Take responsibility for your own actions.
Civility Does Not Mean Avoiding Disagreement.
One of Forni’s important distinctions was that civility does not require people to agree with one another. Respecting another person's opinion means recognizing their right to have a different view.
Forni specifically encouraged people to listen to opposing perspectives rather than automatically dismissing them. His approach suggests that disagreement can be productive when people focus on understanding rather than winning an argument.
That idea also carried into Forni's later work. In The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude, he addressed situations in which people need to respond to unacceptable behavior without escalating the conflict. Johns Hopkins described his approach as speaking up for common decency while avoiding angry confrontation.
A Simple Choice With Broad Consequences.
Forni died in 2018, but his work on civility continues to be used in educational and community settings. His central message remains relatively simple: people have choices in how they speak, listen, disagree, apologize and treat the people around them.
Choosing Civility does not promise that following 25 rules will eliminate disagreement or rude behavior. Instead, it presents civility as a daily practice — one that begins with paying attention to other people and recognizing that considerate conduct can make relationships and communities stronger.
In that sense, Forni's rules are less about perfect manners than about a basic question: How do our choices affect the people around us?
That question may be just as useful today as when Choosing Civility was first published.